I recently had my tarot read. Here's the gyst of it:
- I need to relax about financial expectations
- Healing is coming - don't feel I have to settle
- Re parenting: I need to have positive expectations, give my daughter wings, and expect that she will be ok
- There's not a lot of peace in my head
- My inner child is very grown up - I need to find joy in life
- Things need to be perfect or I don't feel safe
- I need to look inside myself for joy and strength
- If I let myself relax then things will happen
- I need to let myself believe
I suppose this could all be general stuff, but, just the same, it seems to be good advice. I'm fascinated by things that I don't know - things like psychics and the metaphysical. I want to believe that they have credence. I suppose I could if I just allowed myself to relax and believe. I've wondered how some people can allow themselves to believe whole-heartedly in god or any other spiritual belief when they can't physically see it. I want and need to believe in something. I am searching for the spiritual. I know spirituality goes way back before Christianity, and although there may be some good moral tenets in Christianity, it isn't where spirituality started. Christianity is an amalgamation of many different ancient pagan beliefs. The people that the Roman empire conquered didn't just give up their beliefs to become Christian; they integrated their pagan beliefs into Christianity.
I am fascinated by the mysticism in religion. Mysticism makes faith in something higher than myself personal. I don't necessarily believe in god - the belief in a male god seems to have been a man's invention of control - at least in Christianity. I think if I was to allow myself to believe in a specific faith, it would have to be something pagan - something centered around intuition. A friend I've had since childhood would probably be less than happy with this decision because she has blind faith in the Christian God. She lives in Virginia - the bible belt. I wonder how people can have such strong beliefs in God. Christianity has been used as a tool for control to make people feel guilty for being innately human. Christianity is based on fear ... if you don't act a certain way then you are going to go to hell. It's based on such dualities as good and bad, light and dark. There's a whole grey-scale in between that needs to be addressed. I want to learn more about pagan beliefs. I don't want to follow the crowd just because Christianity is the dominant religion. I want to believe in something more, but it's got to be me. Since I'm drawn to the ancient, I would like to understand ancient faiths better. They are based on nature rather than on man ... they seem to be more pure without all the rules of control imposed by man over time.
As far as New Years' resolutions go, I want to be more open to belief and aware of what's going on around me. I want to learn how to see better. I want to be more at ease and less cynical. I want to make a leap of faith about faith that is personal to me. I want to learn more about psychic energy, be more at ease about my daughter's life, and be more creative. I want to experiment more artistically and realize that everything I make doesn't have to be a finished piece for a gallery. I need to have fun and not be so serious all the time. I need to open myself up more to other people and other experiences.
